Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
