i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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