You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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