i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
