I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
