i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
