Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
