wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
