Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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