I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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