Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
