No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
