I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
