Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
