My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
