but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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