So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
