So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this just has baby written all over it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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