My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
