I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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