You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
