he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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