You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
