Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
