Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
