I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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