I think I died a long time ago.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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