I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
