Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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