Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
