apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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