Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
