nutella sex= disaster
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
