69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
