Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He passed out mid-signature
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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