my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
