and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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