Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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