soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She bit a glass in half.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
