Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
