I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
