Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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