that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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