He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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