we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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