you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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