I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
