Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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