He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
