I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
