Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
