Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
