there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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