I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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