walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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