the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
